Laker Turner

Made in honour of [deadname] Turner. May he rest in peace, 2005 - 2019.

The Past

Almost 3 years ago, on the 26th of August 2019, at 1:29 am, I came out as non-binary.

I had already come out as bi a year earlier so luckily I didn't also have that to deal with.

But the term “non-binary” never truly fit me. It felt like a patchwork over a hole that needed to be filled. It wasn’t a true representation of me.

The Present

Since then, I’ve met a bunch of cool people that have helped me with my identity.

From my exes to my best friends, all the very cool trans people I know to the souls of the people who aren't here anymore. And now I'm very happy to announce that I believe that I have finally found my identity.

It may have taken years of confusion but I should hopefully be able to rest now. So here goes, eh?

Hey, I’m Laker, I use she/her pronouns and I’m a trans girl.

This is who I am, this is who I always was and this is who I want to be. I feel so much happier when I am perceived as a girl.

The Laker (or indeed, [deadname]) you once knew is still here. I’m still me, except I'm standing prouder than I ever have and happier than I have been in years.

I know that in the opening sentence of this post I described myself before I came out the first time as dead, but that simply isn't true.

My soul, although withered by many years of many mental issues and disorders, is still the same one that was found in that child.

The Future

So now that we know the past and present, what about the… no, my future?

I’ve already started to transition socially to a few friends, both in real life and online.

My gender expression was already going more and more feminine by the day and I'm glad to finally make that official :)

I know that I want to transition medically but I haven't thought of the logistics of that yet so i’m not going to talk about it publicly.

ending notes

… breathes out

wow damn i needed to get that off my chest, huh. well, here’s to 2022. more writing stuff coming soon :P